英文：美丽女孩的10个标志
余年寄山水
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2020年07月29日 03:25
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A lot of teens these days are taking something called the "purity pledge," wherein they vow not to have sex until they get married. Hey, I'm all for people putting off sex until they're adults and can handle the ramifications. Because even with safe sex, sex comes with responsibilities. It does tend to emotionally bond you to someone, and that can mean getting emotionally attached to the wrong person. Once sex enters the equation, a relationship is never the same. But one woman recently wrote about her “purity pledge” that went wrong. It led to an incredibly short starter marriage. Once she realized that she and her new husband had absolutely zero sexual chemistry, she counted down the days until she could get a divorce, which happened six months into their marriage. Here are five reasons to get rid of that purity pledge and do the dirty before you say "I do."
Sexual chemistry.
Jessica Ciencin Henriquez, who kept her "purity" until her wedding night, writes in Salon:
Our bodies wanted different things from one another, so what we ended up with was a horizontal battle. I would hear married girlfriends talk about the joys of make-up sex and continue to sip my coffee in silence. We would fight, and then have bad sex and then fight some more. Every flaw in our marriage and in him seemed much more miserable when combined with the possibility of faking orgasms until death did we part. There was no relief. Six months into our marriage, the idea of separating seemed more appealing than feigning headaches for the rest of my life.
As Jessica found out, sexual chemistry is something that can really only be ascertained by, well, having sex. Jessica would make out for hours with her husband before their marriage, so she thought that would translate into awesome horizontal mambo. But it didn't.
Sexual identity.
I know too many couples where one partner was able to cover up his or her true sexual persuasion because he or she simply didn't have sex with anyone. Not having sex with the opposite sex can also mean you ignore those longings you might have for the same sex, and therefore don't acknowledge them.
Sex itself.
Not everyone is great in bed, and most people don't start out very good at all. A lot of good sex is about listening to your partner and being able to respond accordingly. But how do you know if someone is a good listener or responder unless you try it first?
Size.
Don't you want to know if your husband is packing a hunting rifle or a tiny little plastic kid's pistol? After all, he knows how big your boobs are. I'm not saying size would be a dealbreaker, but don't you have the right to know what's down there?
Sexual issues.
Sexual problems like premature ejaculation, inability to get an erection, or even an allergy to your partner’s semen are all possibilities, wouldn't you rather deal with those issues before you're married? This way you know if you
feel comfortable admitting), he reminds me that, however imperfect we are, we’re always worthy of love. Never miss an opportunity to tell a friend or family member you love them. It might be said that too much of a good thing is dangerous, but if we can learn anything from our dogs, it’s that this rule doesn’t apply to love.
3. They value quality time
Does your dog jump up eagerly every time he sees his leash or his favorite fetch toy? Does he nudge his nose between your hand and the laptop keyboard as you frantically type away, racing to meet a deadline? This is his way of reminding you that sometimes, work can wait. When we take fifteen minutes to jog around the block with our dogs or throw the Frisbee in the back-yard, we should also challenge ourselves to think about how we can transfer this practice to the relationships we cultivate with other people. Take a few minutes on your lunch-break to text your best friend and ask how her day is going. Stop by your girlfriend’s apartment after work with Chinese takeout and a bottle of wine and enjoy a few hours in her company. Time with our loved ones is finite, and since we can never know how much of it we have left, it’s a luxury we can’t afford to squander.
4. They always listen to our problems
I love those classic sitcom or movie scenes with an angst-ridden teenage girl, sitting on the porch with her Golden Retriever, asking why the boy at school whom she’s convinced is her soulmate won’t give her a second look. In response, the dog simply wags his tail and licks her face, as if to say, “Whatever. He’s an idiot. I still love you.” Your dog will never roll his eyes at you when you complain about a coworker for the tenth time or wonder why your ex still seems to have you dancing on a string. Your dog also won’t tell you to just cut the cord yourself and stop replying to his texts, because that’s not what you want to hear. He just offers his big floppy ears as a vessel for your frustrations without complaint.
Think about this the next time you find yourself serving as a sounding board for someone else’s problems. Pretend, just for a few minutes, to be your dog, as if you can do nothing but listen sympathetically and nod. (Just don’t lick anyone’s face. It probably won’t end well).
5. They’re always happy to see a friend
Whether it’s been five seconds, five minutes, or five years, our dogs always greet us with a yip and a wagging tail. This likely has to do with that so-called short-term memory problem I mentioned earlier, but again, this works in our favor. A dog treats each time he sees someone he loves as an opportunity to rejoice and reunite. Imagine how much sweeter our interpersonal relationships would be if we treated each other that way.
6. They teach us about sharing
We share our food, our beds, and our spot on the couch with them, and never once do we complain. If we do, it’s a half-hearted complaint while the dog casually raises h
is head from his position in the middle of the bed, gives a look that, roughly interpreted, means “Yeah, right,” and goes back to sleep. WE share the spaces in our homes and our hearts with our dogs not under a sense of obligation, but simply because we want to. Our willingness to reach out to other people in our lives, physically and emotionally, can be just as rewarding because we have the mutually beneficial experience of sharing our resources and making a connection with someone who might one day return the favor. No one is meant to walk through life alone.
7. They force us to listen
In addition to being great listeners themselves, our dogs force us to listen in order to understand their way of communicating. The yips, the whines, the barks, and the howls are all nuances of the canine vocabulary, and we learn whether Sparky is happy, sad, frightened, or feeling threatened based on the tenor of his bark. We can similarly improve our communication with others just by listening to their tone of voice, learning to recognize shades of emotion that can help us to show more sensitivity toward one another’s feelings.
8. They teach us about trust
When we take our dogs into our homes, they simply trust that we’ll treat them with love and kindness. They trust that we’ll feed them, walk them, and care for them when they’re sick because, having been domesticated, they’ve learned to depend on humans for survival. In doing so, they hold us accountable. They remind us that we need to show others with our actions that we’re worthy of their trust and respect. I sometimes think that if people saw in me whatever my dog does, I’d have a lot more friends.
9. They remind us of the importance of physical contact
In this increasingly technological world, virtual is something of a buzz-word, but as convenient as having the world at our fingertips can be sometimes, it also eliminates a lot of the need for human contact. Even in the digital age, our dogs crave physical touch. They need pets, belly rubs, and scratches behind the ears as affirmation of our affection, and they reward us with licks and snuggles. Texts are great, but according to the National Institute of Health, our brains crave hugs. The release of oxytocin that hugs trigger creates feelings of pleasure by lowering blood pressure and stress hormones.
10. They teach us to read body language
While dogs communicate verbally by barking, they also use body language, much as humans do, to tell us how they feel. A wagging tail might indicate happiness, while a drooping tail and ears might indicate fear or sadness. I used to have a Labrador who would pace incessantly whenever he heard a crying baby. This was his way of alerting us to something unsettling that he knew required attention.
Recognizing these signs in our dogs’ nonverbal communication is easily transferable in our human relationships as well. Noticing posture, facial expressions, or hand gestures can help us to re
ad between the lines in our conversations and gain a deeper understanding of each other’s emotions.
5 Secrets that Credit Card Companies Won’t Tell You Up Front
While there are a lot of terms and conditions that are buried in the fine print of credit card agreements, most people only pay attention to the big numbers in the summary box: the interest rate, the penalty interest rate and late fees.
Although these are important factors that can help you choose the right credit card, there are still some little-known facts that can make or break your creditworthiness once you’ve decided on a card and have started using it. Here are five secrets that credit card companies won’t always tell you directly, but that you can use to your advantage when building or maintaining your credit profile:
Credit Card Companies Can ‘Snoop’ on How You Pay on Other Cards
Most people realize that payment history on other accounts directly impacts their credit scores, which in turn affects whether or not their credit card application is accepted. However, this initial check is not the only time that your payment history can affect your credit card account.
If you are consistently late or over the limit on your other credit card accounts, some credit card companies will raise the rate you pay on their card, even if you’ve never been late paying them. The rationalization is that if you have poor payment performance on one account, theirs is likely to be impacted in the future.
They Can Raise/Lower Your Credit Limit at Any Time
In the same vein, how you pay other accounts can also affect your credit limits. Late payments to other accounts or going over your limit on other accounts can cause your credit limit to be lowered on accounts where your payment history and credit utilization is satisfactory.
For example, let’s say you have a credit card with a $$10,000 limit that you pay on time, and never use more than 20% of the balance. And let’s also say you have a credit card with a $$5000 limit that is maxed out, and you’ve been late on a few payments. The company that issued the $$10,000 credit card may decide to lower your credit limit significantly, even if you’ve never been late with a payment for them.
This will directly impact your ability to get new credit, as part of your credit score is based on your credit utilization and lower credit limits are seen as higher risk and can lower your credit score.
You Can Ask for a Credit Limit Review Any Time
On the other hand, if you have a good payment history across all of your accounts but haven’t gotten a credit limit increase, in most cases you can just ask for one. Some credit card companies make this easy and automated. To see if your credit card company is one of these, just log into your account and look for a link that says “Credit Limit Increase” or “Credit Limit Review”.
Otherwise, you can call customer service and ask directly. In most instances, you can ask
for a credit limit increase every six months.
Be aware that this may incur a hard inquiry on your credit file depending on the credit issuer, so don’t request credit limit increases on all of your cards at the same time.
There are a few credit card companies that do automatic and periodic reviews, in which case you won’t be able to ask but you should be seeing regular limit increases if your payment history and credit scores are satisfactory. If not, call and ask about their criteria for raising credit limits so you know what you need to improve in order to qualify.
Paying Early Cuts Your Balance Faster
Nearly all credit cards charge interest on your average daily balance, and most cards have a 30-day grace period so that if you pay off your statement on or before the due date, you don’t accrue interest.
If you can’t pay off your entire credit card balance, the next best thing is to pay early. Why? Because lowering your balance early in the month lowers your average daily balance, which in turn lowers the amount of interest you pay for your purchases.
For example, let’s say you have a $$1,000 balance on your card. If you pay $$100 off immediately, you’ll only pay interest on the $$900 balance remaining throughout the month. If, on the 15th of the month, you make an additional $$100 payment, your average daily balance will be calculated like this: (15 x $$900 + 10 x $$800)/30 = $$850.
Therefore, instead of paying interest on the full $$1,000 balance like you would if you waited to pay at the end of the month, you’ll only pay interest on $$850. This adds up in the long run, especially when you have higher balances.
You Can Ask for (Some) Penalty Fees to be Waived
Let’s say you get a payment in a few days late, and are hit with one of those pesky $$30+ late fees. Nothing to do but pay up, right? Wrong.
If you have an excellent payment history with the credit card company, in most instances you can request to have that fee waived. It’s generally not something that you can request online. You’ll need to call in to speak to a representative, and expect them to scrutinize your past payment history and credit utilization before agreeing.
Usually, you can only make this request once per year, or once every six months at the most, so don’t waste it.
To Sum Up…
Credit card agreements have a lot of confusing terms and conditions in the fine print, but there are ways to use these to your advantage if you are savvy and keep track of how you are using your credit. Pay attention to how much of your credit you’re using on each card, pay early, and make sure you are getting credit limit increases in order to improve your credit scores
What I Realize As I’m Turning Thirty
Being on the brink of thirty is an exciting and nerve-wracking situation to be in all at once. Behind you are your carefree twenties where you accumulated numerous life lessons, but ahead of you is the seriousness of your thirties, a time w
hen frequent trial and error is often frowned upon. People say age is just a number, but when you are entering a new decade of your life it is hard to just brush it off and not be affected by societal expectations. The exciting thing about turning thirty is that you know that you will only continue to get wiser as you age and that the life lessons you accumulated in your twenties will only continue through your thirties and beyond. Here’s some realizations I have made throughout the last decade.
Obtaining mental clarity is just as important as physical fitness
There is a lot of emphasis on the importance of staying physically fit through your twenties to prevent age-related diseases later. It turns out that maintaining your mental health is just as important as physical health and that the two are deeply intertwined. Learning to meditate or going to classes for restorative yoga has not only helped me fix a bad mood, but regular practice will hopefully allow me a lifetime of mindfulness that will help combat any stressful situations that are bound to arise.
Try not to worry what others are thinking
Being self-conscious about every single thing was something that often plagued me in my twenties. If I did something that was slightly embarrassing, I would be mortified the rest of the day. The things is people often are caught up in their own worlds and do not remember that you said something slightly awkward or tripped down the stairs in front of your entire office. I realize that the sooner you are able to move on, the more time you will be able to focus on the present, instead of the past.
Comparing yourself to others is truly the thief of joy
It is hard not to get caught up comparing yourself to your peers. I would easily get down on myself by scrolling through Facebook and realizing that someone had just landed their dream job or had an enviable social life. It was easy to throw myself a pity party, but in reality it was just a giant waste of my time. Often things are not what they seem (especially on social media) and I have slowly learned that it is detrimental to compare myself to an illusion. It is important to not take your own life for granted and strive towards what truly brings you happiness. I also realized that despite societal expectations, everyone life moves at a different pace and this is the beauty of being human.
Being successful is a mindset
One of the most important things that I have learned in my twenties is that to be successful in any area of your life simply comes down to perseverance (along with being at the right place at the right time). I often searched for a shortcut to reach my goals, whether they were personal or professional, but I realized that this way does not exist. To achieve something takes a lot of time and most importantly a constant belief in your abilities. I have always dreamed of having a writing career, but it has only been recently after many detours throughout the last decade that I
am slowly making this a reality and turning each setback into a lesson. It is also important to define what your personal idea of success is, since it is different for everyone.