年金终值公式-水到渠成的近义词

第一章爆笑的英文情诗，慎用啊慎用！（双语版）
1.
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife
我的心肝，我的挚爱，我美丽的贤妻，
Marrying you has screwed up my life.
我这辈子就毁在你手里。
2.
I see your face when I am dreaming.
你的容颜依稀入梦境，
That is why I always wake up screaming.
于是我在尖叫中惊醒。
3.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot,
善良、聪慧、多情而性感，
This describes everything you are not.
可惜这些你一条都不占。
4.
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
爱是上天赐福，爱情多么美好，
But I only slept with you cause I was pissed.
可我与你同眠只是因为喝高。
5.
I thought that I could love no other,
曾以为一生只爱你一个，
--that is until I met your brother.
直到遇见你的二表哥。
6.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you,
娇艳的紫罗兰，鲜红的玫瑰，甜蜜的糖，就像你一样美。
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
但紫罗兰会凋谢，玫瑰会枯黄，糖碗空空如也，和你的脑袋一样.
7.
I want to feel your sweet embrace;
我渴望你温柔的拥抱，
But don't take that paper bag off your face.
但别把你脸上的面具摘掉。
8.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
我爱你的明眸，你的脸庞，你的微笑，
Damn, I'm good at telling lies！
妈的，我真是说谎不打草稿！
9.
My love, you take my breath away.
爱人啊，你简直让我窒息，
What have you stepped in to smell this way？
你在哪沾上的一身臭气？
10.
My feelings for you no words can tell,
我对你的深情无法付诸言语，
Except for maybe "Go to hell."
除了一句“滚一边去”！
11.
What inspired this amorous rhyme？
是什么激发了我多情的诗篇？
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
伏特加两杯，酸柠
第二章趣味小笑话（英文版）
with a dentist
Laura fell for her handsome new dentist like a ton of bricks and pretty soon had lured him into a series of passionate encounters in the dental clinic after hours.
But one day he said sadly, "Laura, honey, we have to stop seeing each other. Your husband's bound to get suspicious."
"No way, sweetie, he's dumb as a post," she assured him.
"Besides, we've been screwing for six months now and he doesn't suspect a thing."
"True," agreed the dentist, "but you're down to one tooth！" （be down to…只剩下……）
porary service
A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their wedding. When he asked whether they preferred a contemporary or a traditional service, they opted for the contemporary.
On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate route to the church. The streets were flooded, so he rolled up his pants legs to keep his trousers dry.
When he finally reached the church, his best man rush
ed him into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting. "Pull down your pants," whispered the pastor. "Uh, Reverend, I've changed my mind," the groom responded. "I think I would prefer the traditional service."
ng
A man was driving a rig in a long line of tractor-trailers when a police officer pulled him over for speeding. Astounded that he alone was caught, he asked, "Out of all these trucks that were going just as fast as I was, why did you pull me over？"
"Have you ever gone fishing？" the officer asked.
"Yes," Walt replied.
"Well, have you ever caught all the fish in the pond？"
that brings luck
An antique collector was passing a small shop when he noticed a cat on the sidewalk out front, licking milk from a saucer. The man immediately realized the saucer was very old and valuable. He stepped into the shop with an uninterested look and asked to buy the cat.
“I am sorry,” the shop owner said, “but the cat is not for sale.”
“Please,” the collector urged, “I need a cat around my house to catch mice. I’ll give you 20 dollars.”
“The cat is yours,” the proprietor said, taking the money.
“Listen,” the collector added, “I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer as well. The cat seems to like it.”
“Sorry,” the shop owner answered, “but that saucer brings me luck. Just this week I have sold 68 cats！”
handwriting
In the lobby of a post office, an old woman came up to a young man, asking him politely, “Would you please help me to write down the address on the postcard？”
“Sure, Madam.”
“Thank you so much,”said the old lady, “Do you mind adding a few words to it,” she asked again.
“Of course.” The man did as she told, smiling indulgently, “Any other thing I can do for you？”
“Well,” said the old woman, “Could you please adding one more sentence at the end？-Please forgive my poor handwriting.”

One day a secretary is leaving on her lunch break, and she notices her boss standing in front of a shredder with a clueless look on his face. The secretary walks up to him and asks if he needs help.
"Yes！" he says looking and sounding relieved, "This is very important."
Glad to help, she turns the shredder on and inserts the paper. Then her boss says, "Thanks, I only need one copy."
are you so nervous
I was accompanying my husband on a business trip. He carried his portable computer with him, and the guard at the airport gate asked him to open the case.
It was locked, and the man waited patiently as my embarrassed spouse struggled to remember the combination. At last he succeeded.
"Why are you so nervous？" I asked him.
"The numbers are the date of our anniversary," my husband confessed.
第三章最爆笑诗词翻译（中译英）
众里寻他千百度，蓦然回首，Hey，how do you do！
云中谁寄锦书来？super high ,suck guy！
人生得意须尽欢，be a man,use your hand

身无彩凤双飞翼，Get away from me！
天生我材必有用，I can play football…
春城無處不飞花，let’s go to the cinema
问君能有几多愁，as a boy without a girl
恰似一江春水向东流，easy come easy go
春眠不觉晓，yo yo check it out
问世间情为何物，what the fuck can I do
曾经沧海难为水，what the fuck did you say
无可奈何花落去，I miss you missing me
此情可待成追忆，let it be
争渡，争渡，惊起一滩鸥鹭，who and who？
林花谢了春红，太匆匆,where is my iphone？
感时花溅泪,Changes is never too late~
满园春色关不住, Friday is coming soon~
床前明月光，there’s something wrong~
两只黄鹂鸣翠柳，what place shall we go
空山新雨后 fire in the hole
两情若是长久时，you jump ,I jump
Jiangshan如此多娇，you are so small，惜秦皇汉武，too simple；唐宗宋祖，sometime naieve。 一代天骄，成吉思汗，can’t play football。俱往矣，数风流, die all
第四章最伤感的歌曲翻译（英译中）
Someone like you
另寻沧海
-Adele
阿黛拉
I heard, that your settled down.
已闻君，诸事安康。
That you, found a girl and your married now.
遇佳人，不久婚嫁。
I heard that your dreams came true.
已闻君，得偿所想。
Guess she gave you things, I didn’t give to you.
料得是，卿识君望。
Old friend, why are you so shy？
旧日知己，何故张皇？
It ain’t like you to hold back or hide from the lie.
遮遮掩掩，欲盖弥彰。
I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited.
客有不速，实非我所想。
ButI couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t fight it.
避之不得，遑论与相抗。
I’d hoped you’d see my face that you’d be reminded,
异日偶遇，识得依稀颜。
That for me, it isn’t over.
再无所求，涕零而泪下。
Never mind, I’ll find someone like you.
毋须烦恼，终有弱水替沧海。
I wish nothing but the best, for you too.
抛却纠缠，再把相思寄巫山。
Don’t forget me, I beg, I remember you said:
勿忘昨日，亦存君言于肺腑。
“Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead”
“情堪隽永，也善心潮掀狂澜。”
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead, yeah.
情堪隽永，也善心潮掀狂澜，然。
You’d know, how the time flies.
光阴常无踪，词穷不敢道荏苒。
Only yesterday, was the time of our lives.
欢笑仍如昨，今却孤影忆花繁。
We were born and raised in a summery haze.
彼时初执手，夏雾郁郁湿衣衫。
Bound by the surprise of our glory days.
自缚旧念中，诧喜荣光永不黯。
I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited.
客有不速，实非我所想。
ButI couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t fight it.
避之不得，遑论与相抗。
I’d hoped you’d see my face that you’d be reminded,
异日偶遇，识得依稀颜。
That for me, it isn’t o
ver.
再无所求，涕零而泪下。
Never mind, I’ll find someone like you.
毋须烦恼，终有弱水替沧海。
I wish nothing but the best, for you too.
抛却纠缠，再把相思寄巫山。
Don’t forget me, I beg, I remember you said:
勿忘昨日，亦存君言于肺腑。
“Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead”
“情堪隽永，也善心潮掀狂澜。”
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead, yeah.
情堪隽永，也善心潮掀狂澜，然。
Nothing compares, no worries or cares.
无可与之相提，切莫忧心同挂念。
Regret’s and mistakes they’re memories made.
糊涂遗恨难免，白璧微瑕方可恋。
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste？
此中酸甜苦咸，世上谁人堪相言？
Never mind, I’ll find someone like you.
毋须烦恼，终有弱水替沧海。
I wish nothing but the best, for you too.
抛却纠缠，再把相思寄巫山。
Don’t forget me, I beg, I remember you said:
勿忘昨日，亦存君言于肺腑。
“Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead”
“情堪隽永，也善心潮掀狂澜。”
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead, yeah.
情堪隽永，也善心潮掀狂澜，然。
Never mind, I’ll find someone like you.
毋须烦恼，终有弱水替沧海。
I wish nothing but the best, for you too.
抛却纠缠，再把相思寄巫山。
Don’t forget me, I beg, I remember you said:
勿忘昨日，亦存君言于肺腑。
“Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead”
“情堪隽永，也善心潮掀狂澜。”
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead, yeah.
情堪隽永，也善心潮掀狂澜，然。
第五章十大不写作业的爆笑理由（双语版）
上学的时候，你有过不写作业的经历吗？聊聊为不写作业找的借口吧。
10 最高科技的理由
I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy。
我用的是太阳能计算器，而当时是阴天。
(后面的意思，你懂的~~)
9 最“权威”的理由
The District Court of Appeals recently ruled that homework is officially cruel and unusual punishment。
地方法院最近裁定家庭作业是官方的不人道和非常规的惩罚措施。
(于是老师颇感鸭梨……)
8 最有爱的理由
My mother took it to have it framed。
我妈妈把作业装裱了~
(总不能棒打母爱吧~)
7 最经典的理由
I ran out of toilet paper and had to improvise。
厕所没纸了，只能拿作业纸凑合着用了。
(亲，这个有点过时了……)
6 最无厘头的理由
The nice man with the sign says the end is HERE. No one does homework on the eve of the apocalypse。
我看到一个非常和善的先生拿着一个牌子写着：今天大家都完蛋。没人在世界末日前还做家庭作业。
5 最残忍的理由
My father had a nervous breakdown and cut it up to make paper dolls。
办法以和为贵，但要跟人家吵架怎么办？很多人一生气，所有的英文都忘光了，平常英文就说不出口，更何况是吵架，所以满脑子浮现的不是 Fxxx 就是 Sxxx 这样是很不好的。
1. I'm so fed up with your BS. Cut the crap。
我受够了你的废话，少说废话吧。
美女(美国的女人)是不喜欢说 shit 这个不雅的词的，所以她们就说 shoot，或是 BS(=Bull shit)来表示她们还是很有气质的。"Cut your crap." 是当你听到对方废话连篇，讲个不停时，你就可以说 "Cut the crap." 相当于中文里的废话少话。
2. Hey！ wise up！
放聪明点好吗？
当别人做了什么愚蠢的事时，你可以说 "Don't be stupid" 或是 "Don't be silly." 但是这是非常不礼貌的说法。比较客气一点的说法就是 wise up！ 它就相当于中文里的放聪明点。你也可以用坚酸刻薄的语气说 Wise up, please. 然后故意把 please 的尾音拉得长长的。
也有人会说 Hey！ grow up. 意思就是你长大一点好不好？例如有人二十岁了却还不会自己补衣服，你就可以说 Hey！ grow up. 这跟 wise up 是不是也差不多呢？
3. Put up or shut up。
要么你就去做，不然就给我闭嘴。
有些人就是出那张嘴，只会出意见，此时就可以说 Put up or shut up. 要注意的是 Put up 字典上是查不到“自己去做”的意思，但是见怪不怪，很多笔记本上的用法都是字典上查不到的。比方说今天你在写程式，有人明明不懂却喜欢在一旁指挥你，这时候你就可以说 Put up or shut up。
有时为了要加强 shut up 的语气，老美会把它说成 shut the fuck up. 这句话常在二人火气很大时的对话中可以听到，例如电影 The house on the haunted hill 女主角身陷鬼屋之中，其他人又七嘴八舌时，她就很生气地说了一句 shut the fuck up。
这句话也让我想到一句成语 walk the walk, talk the talk, 也就是说到就要作到，有点像是中文里知行要合一的意思，或是只说 walk the talk 也可以。
4. You eat with that mouth？
你是用这张嘴吃饭的吗？
别人对你说脏话，你就回敬他这一句，言下之意，就是你的嘴那么脏，你还用这张嘴吃饭。还有一种说法 "You kiss your Momma with that mouth？" 就是说你也是用这脏嘴亲你妈妈的吗？所以下次记得如果有老美对你说脏话，记得不要再 Fxxx 回去，保持风度，说一句 "You eat with that mouth？" 就扯平了。
5. You are dead meat。
你死定了。
我们说你完蛋了，可以说 "You are dead." 或是像这样说 "You are dead meat." 意思都是一样的，比如说你跟别人说过不淮碰我的东西，但有人他就是老爱用你的东西，下次要是再被你抓到，你就可以说 "You are dead meat."
6. Don't you dare！ How dare you！
你好大的胆子啊！
这句话跟中文里“你好大的胆子”是一
样的，可以在两种场合说，第一种是很严肃的场合，比如说小孩子很调皮，讲又不听，父母就会说 "Don't you dare！" 那意思就是这个小孩要当心点，不然等会就要挨打了，另一种场合是开玩笑，比如有人跟你说我跟某网友约会去了，你说 "Don't you dare？" 就有点开玩笑的语气。(你不怕被恐龙给吃了吗？)
Dare 在英文里还有许多有趣的用法，例如 "You dare me." 或是 "I double dare you." 还有一种游戏叫 Truth or Dare，限于篇幅，容后再作介绍。
7. Don't push me around。
不要摆布我。
这个词很有意思，把你推来推去，作摆布解释，如果有人指挥你一下作这个一下作那个，你就可以用这一句 Hey！ Don't push me around. 通常当我讲 "Don't push me around." 时，我还会想到一个字 bossy。Bossy 就是说像是老板一样，喜欢指挥别人。例如， "You are so bossy. I don't like that."
这句话也可以单讲 "Don't push me." 或是 "Don't push me any further." 还有一句根 push 有关的成语，叫 push the button, 意思就是指使、操纵。例如 "I know why you are doing this, someone is pushing your button！"
8. Are you raised in the barn？
你是不是乡下长大的啊？
这句话是形容一个人没教养，但是是比较开玩笑的语气。比如说有人坐没坐像，你就可以对他说这一句。Barn 原指呛，我翻成乡下比较能跟中文的意思结合。老美常用 barn 或是 backyard 来形容一个人没有教养或是没有文化，像是那天在电视上听到一句 "No backyard language in my house." 就是说，在我的家里不准讲粗话。
9. You want to step outside？ You want to take this outside？
你想要在外面解决吗？
老美跟我们一样，要是二个人一言不合吵起来了，可能就有人要说这一句了。指的就是要不要出去打架啦。还有一些我听过类似的用法，例如 "Do you want to pick a fight？" 你要挑起争端吗？或是 "This means war." 这就意谓着跟我宣战。
10. You and what army？ You and who else？
你和哪一路的人马啊？
要是有人跟你说 "Do you want to step outside？"就回他这一句吧。意思是说，是喔……那你找了多少人马要来打架啊？有时候电视里出现这句对白的时候，还会打出一排军队的电脑动画，非常的有意思。
还有一句话也很好玩， 叫 "Who's side are you on？" 这就是在快要打架时，你问人家说，你到底是站在哪一边的？
第十章和猫相关的趣味谚语（双语版加解释）
通常来说谚语是人民群众口头流传的习用的固定语句，用简单通俗的话来反映深刻的道理，它们表达了人们丰富的社会生活经验，闪耀着人民智慧的光芒。
1. 猫cat一词来自古英语catt，威尔士语叫做cath，西班牙语是gato，法语叫chat，德语则是kat，他们都源于拉丁语catus、 ca
好笑得让猫都笑了；
like a cat on hot bricks热砖上的猫咪，有点像热锅上的蚂蚁，表示很紧张神经质……
10. 地狱猫和好奇猫
As much chance as a wax cat in hell，意思是根本就没有机会；
这句话还可以说成"not have a cat in hell's chance"
eg. They haven't a cat in hell's chance of getting over the mountain in weather like this。
在这种天气里，他们根本没机会翻越这座山。
Curiosity killed the cat，好奇杀死猫，是一句再熟悉不过的谚语。它原意是要提醒人们谨慎小心。
11. 很多和猫相关的谚语都和名著有关
Grinning like a cheshire cat，“笑得像只柴郡猫” 意思就是说傻笑，这句话在《爱丽丝梦游仙境》中得到了绝妙的体现--想想那只柴郡猫，不是一直在笑吗？
《爱丽丝梦游仙境》中还用到了许多这样的英文谚语，详情请看爱丽丝漫游仙境 角色玄机大揭秘！>>
Dog my cats，一句轻微的咒骂，跟"damn it！"意思差不多，中文大可译为“喵了个咪”。欧亨利在《一只黄狗的记忆》中提到过。
12. 不提到“猫”这个词，同样可以和猫有关
Rub someone's fur the wrong way，“反摸猫毛”，意思是激怒某人；
Make the fur fly，“让毛飞起来”，意思是开始一场争斗；
I smell a rat，“闻到了老鼠的味道”，意思是觉察到什么秘密。
（全书完）

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