雄浑的近义词-随缘是什么意思

d of defined me for a long time. But in retrospect, thedestruction of my self was so repetitive that I started to see apattern. The self changed, got affected, broken, destroyed, butanother one would evolve -- sometimes stronger, sometimes hateful,sometimes not wanting to be there at all. The self was notconstant. And how many times would my self have to die before Irealized that it was never alive in the first place?
这个和自我打交道，寻找自己身份的过程在我的成长记忆中一点都不容易。我想成为的那些“自我”不断被否定再否定，而我害怕自己无法融入周遭的环境，因被否定而引起的困惑让我变得更加忧虑，感到羞耻和无望，在很长一段时间就是我存在状态。然而回头看，对自我的解构是那么频繁，以至于我发现了这样一种规律。自我是变化的，受他人影响，分裂或被打败，而另一个自我会产生，这个自我可能更坚强，可能更可憎，有时你也不想变成那样。所谓自我不是固定不变的。而我需要经历多少次自我的破碎重生才会明白其实自我从来没有存在过？

I grew up on the coast of England in the '70s. My dad is whitefrom Cornwall, and my mom is black from Zimbabwe. Even the idea ofus as a family was challenging to most people. But nature had itswicked way, and brown babies were born. But from about the age offive, I was aware that I didn't fit. I was the black atheist kid inthe all-white Catholic school run by nuns. I was an anomaly, and myself was rooting around for definition and trying to plug e the self likes to fit, to see itself replicated, to confirms its existence and its importance. And it isimportant. It has an extremely important function. Without it, weliterally can't interface with others. We can't hatch plans andclimb that stairway of popularity, of success. But my skin colorwasn't right. My hair wasn't right. My history wasn't right. Myself became defined by otherness, which meant that, in that socialworld, I didn't really exist. And I was "other" before beinganything else -- even before being a girl. I was a noticeablenobody.
我在70年代英格兰海边长大，我的父亲是康沃尔的白人，母亲是津巴布韦的黑人。而想象我和父母是一家人对于其他人来说总是不太自然。自然有它自己的魔术，棕色皮肤的宝宝诞生了。但从我五岁开始，我就有种感觉我不是这个群体的。我是一个全白人天主教会学校里面黑皮肤无神论小孩。我与他人是不同的，而那个热衷于归属的自我却到处寻找方式寻找归属感。这种认同感让自我感受到存在感和重要性，因此十分重要。这点是如此重要，如果没有自我，我们根本无法与他人沟通。没有它，我们无所适从，无法获取成功或变得受人欢迎。但我的肤色不对，我的头发不对，我的过去不对，我的一切都是另类定
义的，在这个社会里，我其实并不真实存在。我首先是个异类，其次才是个女孩。我是可见却毫无意义的人。

Another world was opening up around this time: performance anddancing. That nagging dread of self-hood didn't exist when I wasdancing. I'd literally lose myself. And I was a really good dancer.I would put all my emotional expression into my dancing. I could bein the movement in a way that I wasn't able to be in my real life,in myself.
这时候，另一个世界向我敞开了大门：舞蹈表演。那种关于自我的唠叨恐惧在舞蹈时消失了，我放开四肢，也成为了一位不错的舞者。我将所有的情绪都融入到舞蹈的动作中去，我可以在舞蹈中与自己相溶，尽管在现实生活中却无法做到。

And at 16, I stumbled across another opportunity, and I earnedmy first acting role in a film. I can hardly find the words todescribe the peace I felt when I was acting. My dysfunctional selfcould actually plug in to another self, not my own, and it felt sogood. It was the first time that I existed inside afully-functioning self -- one that I controlled, that I steered,that I gave life to. But the shooting day would end, and I'd returnto my gnarly, awkward self.
16岁的时候，我遇到了另一个机会，第一部参演的电影。我无法用语言来表达在演戏的时候我所感受到的平和，我无处着落的自我可以与那个角色融为一体，而不是我自己。那感觉真棒。这是第一次我感觉到我拥有一个自我，我可以驾驭，令其富有盛名的自我。然而当拍摄结束，我又会回到自己粗糙不明，笨拙的自我。

By 19, I was a fully-fledged movie actor, but still searchingfor definition. I applied to read anthropology at university. s Lee gave me my interview, and she asked me, "How would youdefine race?" Well, I thought I had the answer to that one, and Isaid, "Skin color." "So biology, genetics?" she said. "Because,Thandie, that's not accurate. Because there's actually more geneticdifference between a black Kenyan and a black Ugandan than there isbetween a black Kenyan and, say, a white Norwegian. Because we allstem from Africa. So in Africa, there's been more time to creategenetic diversity." In other words, race has no basis in biologicalor scientific fact. On the one hand, result. Right? On the otherhand, my definition of self just lost a huge chunk of itscredibility. But what was credible, what is biological andscientific fact, is that we all stem from Africa -- in fact, from awoman called Mitochondrial Eve who lived 160,000 years ago. Andrace is an illegitimate concept which our selves have created basedon fear and ignorance.
19岁的时候，我已经是富有经验的专业电影演员，而我还是在寻找自我的定义。我申请了大学的人类学专业。PhyllisLee博士面试了我，她问我：“你怎么定义种族？”我觉得我很了解这个话题，
过激进着急。试着放下沉重的自我，点亮知觉的火把，寻找我们的本源，我们与万事万物之间的联系。我们初生时就懂得这个道理的。不要被我们内心丰富的空白吓到，这比我们虚构的自我要真实。想象如果你能接受自我并不存在，你想要如何生活，感恩生命的可贵和未来的惊奇。简单的觉醒就是开始。

Thank you for listening.
(Applause) 谢谢。
（鼓掌）

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