英语三人短剧--搞笑(1)
朗读者第二期-班主任兵法读后感
顾客：小心，你的大拇指在我汤里了
服务员：别担心，先生，不是很烫！
A : Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!
B:
Don't worry Sir it's not that hot!
一个服务员给顾客拿来了牛排，大拇指在牛肉上。
“你疯了吗？”顾客喊到，“你的手在我的牛排上！”
“什么？”服务员说，“你想让它再掉地上？”
A waiter brings the
customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over
the
meat.
A:Are you crazy?( yelled the
customer ),with your hand on my steak?
(What
answers the waiter) You want it to fall on the
floor again?
服务员：茶或咖啡？先生。
第一个顾客：我要茶
第二个顾客：我也是茶——杯子要干净的！
服务员：两杯茶，哪个要干净的杯子？
B:(Waiter:) Tea or coffee gentlemen?
A:I'll have tea.
C:(2nd customer:) Me too
- and be sure the glass is clean!
(Waiter
exits returns)
B:(Waiter:) Two teas. Which one
asked for the clean glass?
创新句子：我坚持用干净杯子喝茶。
服务员，这只苍蝇在我汤里干什么？
看起来象是在仰泳，
A:Waiter
what's this fly doing in my soup?
Um looks to
me to be backstroke sir...
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！
别担心，先生，面包里的蜘蛛会干掉它。
A:Waiter there's a fly
in my soup!
B:Don't worry sir the spider on
the breadroll will get 'em.
服务员，我汤里有只苍蝇！
不是，先生，那是蟑螂，苍蝇在你牛排里。
A:Waiter there's a fly
in my soup!
C:No sir that's a cockroach the
fly is on your steak.
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！
别让别人看见，先生，要不别人都要。
A:Waiter there's a fly
in my soup!
B:Keep it down sir or they'll all
be wanting one.
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！
我知道，先生，我们没有另收钱。
A:Waiter there's a fly in
my soup!
C:Its OK Sir there's no extra charge!
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！
对不起，先生，我弄走那三个时忘了这个。
A:Waiter there is a fly in my soup!
B:Sorry sir maybe I've forgotten
it when I removed the other three.
服务员，汤里有只死苍蝇！
是的，先生，是开水杀死了它们。
A:Waiter
there's a dead fly in my soup!
C:Yes sir it's
the hot water that kills them.
话剧前半部分是荆珂刺秦王搞笑英语话剧剧本
（Introduction）： Long
ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy
country
there were some crazy people, trying
to show the crazy history by crazy
ways. Mr
Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent
to kill king
of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally
he failed. Do you want to know what
happened
at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the
I
太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：
Mirror, mirror, tell
me, who is the most pretty man in the world?
(画
外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u
mirror! （面对观众）
I’m Prince Dan, the magic
mirror said I am the most attractive man in
the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I
feel he will kill me if mirror
told him the
truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫)
Where
is my minister?
阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I
am coming.
太子丹：I’ve told you again and again
that you should call me “my most
beautiful、graceful
、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince
Dan”!
阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea.
We can find a hero to kill
YingZheng~~~
（作杀状）太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive
commodity in this
century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什
么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，
最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good
idea! But who is the
right candidate?
阿三：After screening I have two promising
persons on hand. One is Miss
LiMoChou, the
other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the
NO1 killer
of the world.
太子：Well, show me
the winner as soon as possible, OK?
阿三：
II（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）荆轲Are
you Li
mochou?李莫愁Yes.荆轲OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will
let you
know I am the king of the killers’
world.李莫愁Are you challenging me?
荆轲Off
course! 耸耸肩表示同意李莫愁Come on!音乐起两人冲上前来“人在
江湖漂啊，哪有不
挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。”李莫愁倒地
荆轲大笑李莫愁痛苦状：What
happened? Why aren’t you hurt?荆轲: We don't
need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do
we? （赢一个人需要理由
么，不需要么，需要么？）李莫愁：Momma
always said: is like a box
of chocolates,
Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get.I got
it,
Momma is right.
荆轲再次大笑太子丹上（抱拳）：How
are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?太子丹：Oh
my God! Could you give me an
innovative answer
to “How are you”?
荆柯：Sure!太子丹：How are you?
羊肉串和纳税人（英文小品）
Characters:
Mr. Shi, Xiaofu, Dabao
Mr. Shi: Tax is
the major source of the fiscal revenue. There is
an evident
change about the relationship
between the tax collector and taxpayer in
the
past 20 years. Now, the tax collector, Xiaofu, and
the tax payer Dabao,
a vendor selling
Yangrouchuan will show you the very change. The
first
Act happened in 1980s.
Act I
(in Bazaar of Beijing, sanlihe, 1980s)
Dabao: Yangrouchuan , yangrouchuan, eaten one
,want nine, eaten one, want
nine.
Hi,
Take my yangrouchuan.(slipped, take it up, )
Xiaofu: Tax! Pay the tax!
Dabao: (change
faces)
Taxi? Where is the taxi? Here’s no
taxi.
Xiaofu: Tax! T---A ---X!
Dabao:
What’s the tax? I just know taxi! Do you want me
to call a taxi
for you?
Taxi----!
Taxi----!
Xiaofu: Enough! Are you the vendor?
Dabao: No , No, No, no! I 'm just have a look.
The vendor has gone to the
toilet.
Xiaofu: Not the vendor ? Impossible! you 've
been here for 2 hours.
Dabao: Really ?
(Xiaofu: Yes, of course.)
How do you know it?
Xiaofu: The window of my office is open to
here and I 've been looking
at you for two
hours.
Dabao: It’s a big bug!
Xiaofu:
Oh. Don’t waste my time! Please pay the tax---- 10
Yuan!
Dabao: 10 yuan?! My god. I
had just earned 20 Yuan one day! 5 Yuan, ok?
Xiaofu: Don't cheat me, you've sold more than
2 hundred ones.
Dabao: 6yuan, my dear
sisiter.
7Yuan, my lovely beauty.
Dabao:
Not for you ,not for me, let's split the
difference. 8 yuan ,ok ?
Xiaofu: (looking
around) All right ,a deal. But no receipt.
(Dabao payed 8 yuan and Xiaofu left)
Dabao: What a smart woman! Bad luck! I’m
bankrupt. I have to change my
place.
Hope
I would not meet her any more! Let’s go!
Act
II
Mr. Shi: The next scene happened in new
century. China had been marching
in the way of
the market economy for twenty years more, in the
new era
of building the well-off society in an
all-round way, how do the vendor
regard tax as
and how is the tax collected? The scene will tell
you.
Let’s enjoy it!
(In the market;
Dabao in white clothes ,a board with
Dabao::
Yangrouchuan, yangrouchuan. Eaten one, want nine.
Eaten one, want
nine.
Xiaofu: Hi,
Dabao: Hi.
Two: What a familiar face.
Two: It’s you!
Dabao: 10 years past, you
are a still a tax collector.
Xiaofu: 10 years
past, you still sell Yangrouchuan.
How is
your business?
Dabao: Everything is OK!
10 years past, you are still beautiful lady in
Sanlihe of Beijing.
Xiaofu: 10 years past,
you and your Yangrouchuan look more clean than 20
years before.
Dabao: Thank you. No SARS,
no dirtiness; Serve people, serve me.
Xiaofu:
Great! Have you……
Dabao: Married? I ‘m not
married; I’m still single.
Xiaofu: Have you
claimed your tax this month?
Dabao: What?
Taxi? Oh, tax! Of course. I should pay the tax of
50 Yuan
this month and I have claimed at the
begin of this month.
Xioafu: Your receipt,
please.
Dabao: (shows the receipt )
Here
you are, I have paid my tax in the tax service
center by computer.
Xiaofu: Great! What a
good taxpayer you are.
Dabao: Thank you. It
is my duty. I’m proud of myself to pay the tax for
our country.
Xiaofu: Yeah!
The tax you paid is a share of our country’s
economy, and
you do a lot for Olympics of
Beijing!
Dabao: Let’s do it together! . It’s
said that, Don't ask what your
country can do
for you but ask what you can do for your country.
Just like
me, sell Yangrouchuan, and pay the
Tax for ten years more.
Xiaofu: You 're the
loveliest people in new century!
Dabao: Thank
you! And you 're the loveliest tax collector in
new era!
X: Excuse me, and I have to go now.
Bye-bye.
D: A moment, are you free tomorrow
evening? Could I have a dinner with
you?
Xiaofu: Well, may I have the company of my
husband?
Dabao: No, no, no problem. 6 o’clock
in the evening, Beichuanyuan, ok?
Xiaofu:
just a kidding. I have to go home now.(leaves)
Dabao, See you tomorrow.
Dabao: Hope to
see you everyday.
The End