21篇英语幽默笑话小故事带生词解释
入学感受-智联北京
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World's Greatest Swordsman （n. 剑客, 击剑手）
At an
exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the
third-place（排
名第三的）
fencer（n.剑
客，击剑者
）took the stage. A fly was
released,
and with an arc（n.弧） of his
sword（
n.剑，刀
） he cut the fly in half.
The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man
sliced（slice
n.薄片vt.
削
） a fly into
quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the
world's greatest
swordsman.
His blade
came down in a mighty arc - but the insect
continued on
its way! The crowd was aghast.
The greatest swordsman had missed his
target
completely, yet he continued to smile.
replied the swordsman, weren't watching very
carefully.
They fly lives, yes - but he will
never be a father.
stage [n.舞台 take the
world stage登上舞台
exhibition ]n.展览(会)release
]vt.／ n.释(排)放；放开
hush v.(使)安静下来 n.安静，寂静
anticipation n.预期；预料 in anticipation of
期待着
blade ]n.刀刃，刀片 mighty [a.强大的
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insect ]n.昆虫，虫
aghast ]a.惊骇的
target [n.目标，对象，靶子 vt.瞄准
yell ]vi. n.号叫，叫喊
2.A Mistake
An
American, a Scot（
Scotland n.苏格兰）
and a
Canadian were
killed in a car accident. They
arrived at the gates of heaven, where a
flustered St. Peter explained that there had
been a mistake.
$$500 each,
never happened.
near the scene.
Canadian was
arguing that his government should pay.
accident [æksidənt] n.意外遭遇,事故
fluster
[flʌstə] vt.使惊慌失措 flustered惊慌失措的
saint英音：[seint] heaven [hevən]n.天堂
Done 口语（成交） instantly [instəntli]
ad.立即，立刻 scene [si:n]n.场，地点
medic 医生 haggle [hægəl]vi.讨价还价
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argue
[ɑ:gju:]vi.争论(吵,辩) government政府
or Witch（女巫）
A man is driving up a steep,
narrow mountain road. A woman is
driving down
the same road. As they pass each other, the woman
leans
out of the window and yells
his
window and replies, 女巫)!!
way, and as the man
rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in
the
middle of the road. If only men would
listen（要是这个男的能听懂那
个女人的意思就好了。）.
steep
a.陡的
narrow [a.狭窄(隘)的；
lean v.(使)倾斜
crash vi.碰撞
se Ability
response
n.回答 ability n.能力，技巧
An
Ogden（
奥格根市
）, Iowa, minister was matching
coins with a
member of his congregation for a
cup of coffee. When asked if that
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didn't constitute gambling,
the minister replied,
method of determining
just who is going to commit an act of
charity
（仅
仅是决定由谁来做一件善事的一种科学方法）
Iowa ]n.衣阿华[美国州名]
minister n.部长，公使，牧师
congregation n.集合在一起的群众
a member of his
congregation一位教友
constitute vt.构成 gamble
赌博
scientific .科学的determine vt.决定
commit
vt.犯(错误等)
charity n.救济金；[ pl.]慈善团体；宽容
Philosopher Bertrand Russell(罗素), asked if he
was willing to die for
his belief, replied:
philosopher n.哲学家
willing愿意的belief .信仰
5.
A newspaper organized a contest
for the best answer to the
question: a fire
broke out in the Louvre
(卢浮宫)
, and if you
could
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only save one
painting, which one would you carry out?
The
winning reply was:
organize vt.组织contest
n.比赛；辩驳
e The Great Lion Hunter
A small village was troubled by a man-eating
lion. So its leaders
sent a message to the
great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.
For several nights the hunter lay
（躺）
in wait for the lion, but it never
appeared.
Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow
and give him its
hide（兽皮）.
Draping
盖上
the skin over his shoulders, he
went to the
pasture
牧草地，牧场
to wait for
the lion
pasture
In the middle of the
night, the villagers woke to the sound of
blood-curdling shrieks coming from the
pasture. As they carefully
approached, they
saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain.
There
was no sign of the lion.（
curdle
v.使凝结shriek vi.尖叫approach v.靠近
groan v.呻吟）
the damn lion!he howled. one of you
idiots let the
bull loose?
howl
[haul]vi.／哀号 bull [bul]n.公牛 idiot
n.白痴，
傻子，笨蛋
r Predict
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A film crew was on location
deep in the desert. One day an old
Indian went
up to the director and said,
it rained.
A
week later, the Indian went up to the director and
said,
Indian is incredible,said the
director. He told his secretary to
hire the
Indian to predict the weather.
However, after
several successful predictions, the old Indian
didn't
show up for two weeks.
Finally the
director sent for him. have to shoot a big scene
tomorrow,
weather be like?
The Indian
shrugged his shoulders. know,he said. is
broken.
c
rew n.全体工作人员
location n.位置，场所；外景拍摄地
director 主管，导演
hail ]n.雹 hailstorm雹暴
incredible
]a.不可信的；不可思议的，惊人的
show up 暴露，露面shrug v.／
n.耸肩
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8.I Am Acting Like a Lady
One day when
women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast
Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man
decided to get his wife
a piece. But he soon
found himself being battered by frantic women.
He stood it as long as he could; then, with
head lowered and arms
flailing, he plowed
through the crowed.
there!challenged a thrill
voice. you act like a
gentleman?
he said,
have been acting like a gentleman for an hour.
From now on, I am acting like a lady.
I Am Acting Like a Lady我要表现得象位女士
the
FarEast Department Store远东百货公司
on sale减价
dignified a.有尊严的
batter v.连续猛击 frantic
a.发疯似的
he soon found himself being battered by
frantic women.
没过多久，他发现自己已被疯狂的女人冲得踉踉跄跄。
as long as只要 flail vi.敲击
plow n.犁
v.犁，耕
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thrill
n.兴奋v.(使)兴奋a thrill voice尖叫
9.A Soldier's
Brilliant Idea
Mr. Robinson had to travel
somewhere on business, and as he was
in a
hurry, he decided to go by air. He liked sitting
beside a window
when he was flying, so when he
got on to the plane, he looked for a
window
seat. He found all of them had already been taken
except for
one. There was a soldier sitting in
the seat beside this one, and Mr.
Robinson was
surprised that he had not taken the one by the
window;
but, anyhow, he at once went towards
it.
When he reached it, however, he saw that
there was a notice on it.
It was written in
ink and said,
（保留）
for proper
load
balance
（装载平衡）
, thank you.
an unusual
notice in a plane before, but he thought that the
plane must
be carrying something particularly
heavy in it, so he walked on and
found another
empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in.
Two or three people tried to sit in the window
seat beside the soldier,
but they also read
the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly
full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the
plane. The soldier, who was
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watching the passengers
coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat
beside himself and in this way succeeded in
having the company of the
girl during the
whole trip.
为保持装载平衡，特预设该位置，谢谢合作
do you
never phone me?
Mrs Harris lives in a small
village. Her husband is dead, but she
has one
son. He is twenty-one and his name is Geoff. He
worked in the
shop in the village and lived
with his mother, but then he got work in a
town and went and lived there. Its name was
Greensea. It was quite a
long way from his
mother's village, and she was not happy about
this,
but Geoff said, isn't any good work for
me in the country,
Mother, and I can get a lot
of money in Greensea and send you some
every
week.
Mrs Harris was very angry last Sunday.
She got in a train and went to
her son's house
in Greensea. Then she said to him,
never phone
me?
Geoff laughed.
First and My Last
When George was thirty-five, he bought a
small plane and learned
to fly it. He soon
became very good and made his plane do all kinds
of
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tricks.
George had a friend. His name was Mark. One day
George offered
to take Mark up in his plane.
Mark thought, travelled in a big
plane several
times, but I've never been in a small one, so I'll
go.
They went up, and George flew around for
half an hour and did all
kinds of tricks in
the air.
When they came down again, Mark
was very glad to be back
safely, and he said
to his friend in a shaking voice, George,
thank you very much for those two trips in
your plane.
Gerogy was very surprised and
said,
trick [trik]n.诡计；戏法、特技
Discovery
A hillbilly was visiting the big
city for the first time. Entering an
office
building, he saw an old woman step into a small
room. The doors
closed, lights flashed, and
after a while the door slid open and a
beautiful young model stepped off the
elevator.
Blinking in amazement, the
hillbilly drawled, brought
my wife!
discovery发现
hillbilly [hilbili]n.乡下人，乡巴佬
for the first time第一次
slide [slaid]v.滑动
elevator[eliveitə]n.电梯
blink [bliŋk]vi.眨眼睛
drawl [drɔ:l].慢吞吞地说
13.I'll See to the Rest
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A guard was
about to signal his train to start when he saw an
attractive girl standing on the platform by an
open door, talking to
another pretty girl
inside the carriage.
rest.
be about to打算 signal信号，用信号指示
see to 注意，照料
attractive
a.有吸引力的，引起注意的carriage车厢
't Get Out
This
was to be the new blonde flight attendant's first
overnight trip,
so the Captain was showing her
the best place for personnel to eat,
shop and
stay overnight. The next morning, as he was
preparing the
crew for the day's flight, he
noticed the new flight attendant was
missing.
Since he knew which hotel room she was staying in
he called
her to find out what had happened.
Crying, she answered the phone and said,
the room!do you mean, you can't get out of the
room?the
Captain asked.
I can only find
three doors,she sobbed. is the
bathroom, one
is the closet and the other one has a sign on it
that says,
'Do Not Disturb'!
blonde
[blɔnd]a.金发的 n.金发女子missing 失踪的
Since由于
attendant [əˈtendənt]n.服务人员，侍者
personnel个人
sob抽泣
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Ugly
Duckling
Long ago, in a farmyard many miles
away, a Mother Duck sat on
her nest. She was
waiting for her eggs to hatch. Each day she
proudly
looked at them. There were six eggs,
which meant six little ducklings to
teach to
swim.
One sunny spring morning, the first egg
began to crack（破裂）..
'Tap, tap, tap,' went
the duckling inside, trying to get out. Mother
Duck watched as the egg cracked open and out
popped（.突发砰的响
声）
16.a fluffy([绒毛的)
duckling.
骄傲地).
The next day, the second
egg hatched（孵出） and out popped
another fluffy
duckling.
On the third day, duckling number
three hatched.
On the fourth and fifth
day, ducklings number four and five
hatched.
（驻扎）
on her nest. Her ducklings
gathered（挤）around her.
But on the sixth day
nothing happened. Nor on the seventh.
have hatched by now.
One of the
farmyard chickens wandered（散步） by.
by
now.
me see,said the chicken. no
wonder（不奇怪）. It
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looks like a goose（鹅） egg to me. You'll be
here for a long time.
teach to swim. What
shall I do? I can't leave it.
The goose
heard that one of her eggs was in Mother Duck's
nest.
（[pʌf].喘气）up to the nest.
goose. mine. It looks more like that
absent-minded turkey's egg.
As they
looked, they suddenly heard the faint （[feint]微弱的）
tapping. The shell was breaking.
They watched and waited.
It looked
most strange, it was straggly adj. 蔓延的七零八落的) and
grey where its brothers and sisters were
fluffy（绒毛的） and yellow. It
was also bigger
than them.
It quacked as it saw its mother.
Mother Duck hurried her ducklings to the
pond. She waddled（蹒
跚） in and listened. Splash!
Splish! Splosh! Splash! Splish! She turned
and
looked. All six ducklings followed her in the
water.
The sixth duckling was very good
at swimming, and was soon
swimming better than
his brothers and sisters.
Back at the
farmyard, things did not go well for the little
duckling.
Everyone called him an ugly
duckling. The chickens laughed at him,
the
turkeys chased（追逐） him and the geese hissed at
him.
Soon even his brothers and sisters would
not talk to him, but when his
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mother turned away, he was
very sad. He decided to leave the
farmyard.
One sunny morning, he walked out of the
farmyard and didn't look
back. He wandered
away, looking for somewhere new to live.
When
he'd been walking a while he came to a large lake.
There were
some ducks swimming on it.
He
swam up to them.
join us, if you're
on your own?
The duckling stayed on the
lake and day by day he grew bigger. One
day he
looked up to see some large white birds flying
gracefully（优美
地） over the lake.
beautiful,he whispered, and then sighed.
wonder who
they are?
One day the ducks
came to see him.
autumn, and we're going
now,they told him, us if you
want to.
Some
ducks began to fly up to leave, but suddenly loud
bangs were
heard. Two of the ducks fell from
the sky. Others flew up in fright（惊
恐）, and
more fell as more bangs were heard.
The
duckling ran and hid. He found a bush and stayed
there until the
noise had died down. When it
was quiet he sadly left the lake and
headed
away over the fields.
He came to another lake
and there he stayed. Winter was coming and
he
was alone. As the days grew colder, he found that
it was harder to
find food.
The one
morning he woke and found that he couldn't move.
The lake
had frozen and he was stuck in the
ice. The day passed and the
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duckling was giving up hope
of being found. But late in the afternoon a
man walking his dog saw him. He broke the ice,
and the duckling was
free. He ran across the
ice and hid. He didn't dare to go on the ice
again.
Winter passed, spring came, and
the ice melted.
The duckling stretched his
wings and found that they were strong
enough
to carry him. He flew upon and over the lake, high
above the
trees and fields. He should have
been very happy, but he was not
because he
felt so lonely.
A few days later, he looked
up to see the large white birds he had seen
in
the autumn. They looked beautiful as they landed
on the lake. The
duckling
admired([ədˈmaiə]vt.钦佩,羡慕) their glossy (
[ˈglɔsi].光
滑的) white feathers and long necks.
He swam over to take a closer
look at them.
he said shyly. you tell me who you are. You
are so
beautiful and I am so ugly. I've never
seen anybody like you.
ɔn]天鹅),
ugly?
Look at yourself in the water.
The duckling
looked and caught sight of his own reflection. He
gasped
[gɑ:sp]喘气in surprise, for instead of
seeing a fat, grey duckling he
saw a swan with
a long elegant ([ˈeligənt]优美的) neck and a bright
orange bill.
At that
moment two children ran down to the lake.
cried. swans are back and there's a new one,
too. Isn't he
beautiful!
The ugly duckling
stretched his neck and ruffled [ˈrʌfl]弄皱 his
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feathers with
pride.
Then it was time to go flying with all
of the other swans and, as the
duckling took
off from the lake, he could see his new beautiful
reflection in the water.
servant will
clean it
Two rich ladies were sharing a taxi
and talking about the high cost of
going
anywhere by taxi.
One of the ladies said,
'Taxis are terribly expensive these days. The
owners get a lot of money for nothing.'
'Yes,' said the other lady, 'and the drivers
get such big tips that they
soon become rich.
They ought to be ashamed of themselves.'
One
of the ladies was smoking a cigarette. After a
minute or two she
said to the other lady, 'Can
you see an ash tray in this taxi? There isn't
one on my side.'
'No,' said the other,
'there isn't one on this side either. Driver!
Where is
the ashtray in this taxi? Why haven't
you got one?'
The driver, who had heard
everything the ladies had said, answered,
'Oh,
just drop the ashes on the carpet--I have a
servant who comes in
and cleans three days in
the week!
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tip]n.小费 ought to aux.
v.应当，应该
ashamed a.惭愧的，羞耻的，害臊的
tray
]n.盘，托盘，碟 carpet n.地毯
is busy now
It was half-past eight in the morning. The
telephone rang and Mary
went to answer it.
'Hello, who's that:' she asked. 'It's me--Peter.'
Peter was a friend of Mary's eight-year-old
brother, Johnny.
'Oh, hello, Peter. What do
you want?' said Mary.
'Can I speak to
Johnny?' 'No,' said Mary, 'you can't speak to him
now.
He is busy. He is getting ready for
school. He is eating his breakfast.
Grandmother is combing his hair. Sister is
under the table, putting his
shoes on. Mother
is getting his books and putting them in his
school
bag. Goodbye, I've got to go now. I
have to hold the door open. The
school bus is
coming.'
man knows the future
Nasreddin
was cutting a branch of a tree in his garden.
While he was
sawing, another man passed in the
street. He stopped and said, 'Excuse
me, but
if you continue to saw that branch like that, you
will fall down
with it.' He said this because
Nasreddin was sitting on the branch and
cutting it at a place between himself and the
trunk of the tree.
Nasreddin said nothing. He
thought, 'This is some foolish person who
has
no work to do and goes about telling other people
what to do and
what not to do.'
The man
continued on his way.
Of course, after a few
minutes, the branch fell and Nasreddin fell with
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it.
'My God!'
he cried. 'That man knows the future!' and he ran
after him
to ask how long he was going to
live. But the man had gone.
branch n.树枝
saw n.锯 trunk n.树干
elephant
did it
A man was travelling abroad in a small
red car. One day he left the car
and went
shopping. When he came back, its roof was badly
damaged.
Some boys told him that an elephant
had damaged it. The man did not
believe them,
but they took him to a circus which was near
there. The
owner of the elephant said, 'I am
very sorry! My elephant has a big,
round, red
chair. He thought that your car was his chair, and
he sat on
it!' Then he gave the man a letter,
in which he said that he was sorry
and that he
would pay for all the damage.
When the man
got back to his own country, the customs officers
would
not believe his story. They said, 'You
sold your new car while you were
abroad and
bought this old one!'
It was only when the
man showed them the letter from the circus man
that they believed him.
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circus n.马戏，马戏团；
customs [a.海关的； n.关税
'll soon get used to
it?
An old man died and left his son a lot of
money. But the son was a
foolish young man,
and he quickly spent all the money, so that soon
he
had nothing left. Of course, when that
happened, all his friends left him.
When he
was quite poor and alone, he went to see
Nasreddin, who was
a kind, clever old man and
often helped people when they had troubles.
'My money has finished and my friends have
gone,' said the young man.
'What will happen
to me now?'
'Don't worry, young man,'
answered Nasreddn. 'Everything will soon be
all right again. Wait, and you will soon feel
much happier.'
The young man was very glad.
'Am I going to get rich again then?' he
asked
Nasreddin.
'No, I didn't mean that,' said the
old man. 'I meant that you would soon
get used
to being poor and to having no friends.'
get
used to=be used to 适应
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