小学生英文笑话
云南农业大学怎么样-不仅而且造句
Dead Goldfish
Little Tim was in
the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor
peered over the fence.
Interested in what the
cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely
asked,
you up to there, Tim?
him.
The neighbor was concerned.
Tim patted
down the last heap of earth, then replied,
cat.
Team Spirit
At one point
during a game, the coach said to one of his young
players, you
understand what cooperation is?
What a team is?
The little boy nodded in the
affirmative.
The little boy nodded yes.
or curse or attack the umpire. Do you
understand all that?
Again the little boy
nodded.
Ugly Face
Finding one
of her students making faces at others on the
playground, Ms.
Smith stopped to gently
reprove the child.
Smiling sweetly, the
Sunday School teacher said, Johnny, when I was a
child, I was told if that I made ugly faces,
it would freeze and I would
stay like that.
Johnny looked up and replied, Well, Ms. Smith,
you cant say you werent
warned.
Two Cows
A farmer had a brown cow and a white cow, and
he wanted to get them bred, so he
borrowed his
neighbor's bull and turned it loose in the
pasture.
He told his son to watch and tell
him when the bull was finished.
After a while
the boy came into the living room where his father
was talking to some
friends.
There was a sudden silence in the
conversation. The father asked his friends to
excuse
him for a moment, took his son outside
and said:
that the bull 'surprised' the
cow. now go and watch and tell me when the bull
'surprises'
the white cow
The
father went back inside the house.
After a
while the boy came back and said
Wake Up!_
A teacher is droning away in
the classroom when he notices a student sleeping
way up
in the back row. The teacher shouts to
the sleeping student's neighbor,
student up!
The neighbor yells back,
Sick In Church
A little girl and her mother were in church
when the girl started to feel ill.
bush.
A few moments later the girl
returned to her seat.
soon?
the sick'.
Sunday School
There was a baby born in the hospital and he
weighed ten pounds. The odd thing about
him
was his body weighed five pounds and his balls
weighed five pounds. All the
nurses and even
the doctor didn't know what to do with him.
Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked
what was wrong. The head nurse replied,
''We
don't know what to do with this baby.''
So
the chief surgeon took one look and said, should
put him into a mental
institution.
''Why?'
asked the head nurse.
Birds And
Bees
Little Johnny's father asked him,
want to know!
Johnny what was wrong.
no
Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'there's no
Easter bunny' speech. Then at age 8
you hit me
with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If
you're going to tell me now that
grown-ups don't really have sex, I've got
nothing left to live for!
Baby Belly
A
three year old walked over to a pregnant lady
while waiting with his mother in the
doctors
office.
He inquisitively ask the lady,
She replied,
With big eyes, he asked,
She said,
Then the little boy, with a
puzzled look, asked,
She said,
With an
even more surprised and shocked look, he asked...
Staying Fat
A little boy wakes up
three nights in a row when he hears a thumping
sound coming
from his parents' bedroom.
Finally, one morning he goes to his mom and says,
every night I hear you and daddy making noise
and when I look in you're bouncing up
and down
on him.
His mom is taken by surprise and says.
he's fat and that makes him thin again.
The boy says,
His mom says,
The boy
replies. door comes by after you leave each day
and
blows him back up!
Bad Language
Young Justin has a cursing problem, and his
father is getting tired of it. So he decides to
ask a shrink what to do. The shrink says,
“Negative reinforcement. Since Christmas is
coming up, ask Justin what he wants from
Santa. If he curses while he tells you his wish
list, leave a pile of dog poop in place of
each gift he requests.”
Two days before
Christmas, Justin’s father asks him what he wants
for Christmas. “I
want a damn teddy bear lying
beside me when I wake up. When I go downstairs, I
want
to see a damn train going around the damn
tree. And when I go outside, I want to see a
damn bike leaning up against the damn garage.”
On Christmas morning, Justin wakes up and
rolls into a pile of dog poop. Confused, he
walks downstairs and sees another pile under
the tree. He walks outside, looks at a huge
pile of dog poo by the garage, and walks
inside. His dad smiles and asks, “What did
Santa bring you this year?”
Justin
replies, “I think I got a goddamn dog, but I can’t
find the son of a bitch!”
Who Is Stupid?
One day a college professor of Psychology was
greeting his new college class.
He stood up
in front of the class and said, everyone who
thinks he or she is
stupid please stand up?
After a minute or so of silence, a
young man stood up.
The kid replied,
What Do You Get?
A mother is in the
kitchen making supper for her family when her
young daughter walks
in.
mother explains,
night they go into their room, hug and kiss,
and have sex.
Mother continues,
how you get
a baby, child replies, the other night when I
came into
your bedroom, you had daddy's penis
in your mouth. What do you get when you do that,
Mommy?
Pushing It
Little Johnny
comes home from catholic school with a black eye.
His father sees it and says,
with the
other boys?
and my teacher in front of me
had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached
over and
pulled it out. That's when she hit
me!
Sure enough, the very next day Johnny
came home with the other eye black and blue.
Johnny's father said,
We all stood up
and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the
crack of her butt. Then
Louie who was sitting
next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled
it out. Now I
know she doesn't like this, so I
pushed it back in!
Problems In Maths
Little
Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents
had tried everything; tutors,
flash cards,
special learning centers, in short, everything
they could think of. Finally in a
last ditch
effort, they took Tommy down and enrolled him in
the local Catholic School.
After the first
day, little Tommy comes home with a very serious
look on his face. He
doesn't kiss his mother
hello. Instead, he goes straight to his room &
starts studying.
Books & papers are spread out
all over the room and little Tommy is hard at
work. His
mother is amazed. She calls him down
to dinner and to her shock, the minute he is done
he marches back to his room without a word and
in no time he is back hitting the books
as
hard as before. This goes on for sometime, day
after day while the mother tries to
understand
what made all the difference.
Finally, little
Tommy brings home his report card. He quietly lays
it on the table and
goes up to his room and
hits the books. With great trepidation, his mom
looks at it and
to her surprise, little Tommy
got an A in math. She can no longer hold her
curiosity. She
goes to his room and says:
Little Tommy looks at her and
shakes his head
WHAT was it?
Little
Tommy looks at her and says,
guy nailed to the
plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around.
Like The Way You Think
Teacher:-
with
his gun and shoots one of them. How many are left?
Little Johnny:-
Teacher:-
Little
Johnny:-
have frightened the other birds away
Teacher:-
Little Johnny:-
Teacher:-
Little Johnny:-
One of them is licking the
lolly; one is biting it; and one is putting it in
and out of her
mouth. Which one is married?
Teacher (rather embarrassed):-
Little
Johnny:- I'd have said the one with the wedding
ring. But I like your
thinking.