小学英语小笑话
变相体罚-优柔寡断
小学英语小笑话1)TOM'S EXCUSE
Teacher: Tom,
why are you late for school every day?
Tom:
Every time I come to the corner, a sign says,
Slow
汤姆的借口
老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？
汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着：学校----慢行。
DID YOUR
DAD...
小学英语小笑话2)Tom call Jim's name:
and
Jim say:
汤姆对着吉姆骂道:我受不了你这个苯蛋了!
吉姆说:你妈妈能!
附:bear 有两重意思:生和忍受这个笑话正是根据这点.
小学英语小笑话4)A
man goes to church and starts talking to God. He
says:
penny
penny?
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:主啊,
一百万美元对你意味着多少?上帝回答:一便士.男子又问:那一百万年呢?上帝说:一
秒钟.最后男子
请求道:上帝,我能得到一便士吗?上帝回答:过一秒钟.
小学英语小笑话5)Mother
sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a
good box of Tommy came back,mother
asked
him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?”
“Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them
all.”
一盒小火柴
妈妈让汤米去马路对面的商店里买一盒好用的火柴。汤米回来后
，妈妈问他，“你买的是好用的火柴吗？”
“是的，妈妈。”汤米回答，“我把它们都试过了。”
小学英语小笑话6)Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an
illegal right-hand turn.
Susie:That is okay
,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same
thing!
开车
父亲：哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了。
苏西：没事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也这么转了。
小学英语小笑话7)Little
Robert asked his mother for tow cents.”What did
you do with the money I gave you yesterday?”
“I gave it to a poor old woman,”he answered.
“You’er a good boy,”said the mother
proudly.”Here are tow cents why are you so
interested in the old woman?”
“She is the one
who sells the candy.”
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆。”他回答说。“你真是一个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说.
“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那
么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
小学英语小笑话8)Ivan came home with a bloody nose and
his mother asked,”What happened?”
“A kid bit
me,”replied Ivan.
“Would you recognize him if
you sew him again?”asked his mother.
“I’d
know him any where,”said Ivan.”I have his ear in
my pocket.”
他的耳朵在我的衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口。”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说，“他的耳朵还在我的衣兜里。”
小学英语小笑话9)Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a
swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us
which is which?
Student: I cannot point out
but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell
us.
Student: The swallow is beside the
sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只鸟
老师：
这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
小学英语小笑话10)
He is really somebody
-- My
uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is
really somebody. What does he do?
-- A
maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
--
他真是一个大人物。干什么的？
-- 墓地守墓人。
Two
brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
Where is the father?
The elder
brother thought for a moment and then explained,
pictures.
兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”
“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢？”
哥哥想了一会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”
Two Pieces
of Cake
Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of
cake, please?
Mom: Certainly -- take this
piece and cut it two!
两块蛋糕
汤姆：妈妈，我可以吃两块蛋糕吗？
妈妈：当然可以----拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧！
A Girl's Name
When our daughter was born,
we named her Myles, after my beloved late（已故的）
father,
despite family warning that the name
was too masculine（男性的） .
Years later, when I
felt she was old enough to understand, I explained
to Myles, Your name
is very special. I named
you after my own father because I loved him very
much. I know he
would be proud of you.
Myles thought carefully about this and then
said, I know all that, Mom. But I don't understand
why my grandfather had a girl's name.
女孩的名字
女儿出生时，我们给她取名叫迈尔斯，和我深爱的也已过世的父亲同一个名字，不
过家人提醒这个名字太
男性化了。
几年以后，我觉得迈尔斯已经长大，能够懂事了。我对她解
释说：你的名字很特别。我给你取了一个和我
爸爸一样的名字，因为我非常爱他。我相信他会为你而深感
自豪的。
迈尔斯很仔细地想了一下，然后说道：这些我都懂，妈妈。可是我不知道外公为什么会有一个
女孩子的名
字。
On the way home after watching a
ballet performance, the kindergarten teacher asked
her
students what they thought of it. The
smallest girl in the class said she wished the
dancers
were taller so that they would not
have to stand on their toes all the time.
<
br>在观看完芭蕾舞表演回家的路上，幼儿园老师问学生的观后感。班上最小的女孩说，她希望舞蹈演员可以<
br>长得更高一点儿，那么他们就不用整天踮着脚尖了。
Mother asked her
little boy, Darling, what did the teacher teach
you today?
Nothing, Mum, answered the son
proudly, instead, she asked me how much one plus
two was,
and I told her three.
母亲问她年幼的儿子：宝贝，今天老师教了你些什么？
儿子骄傲地说：什么都没教，妈妈。她反倒问我一加二等于几，我告诉她等于三。
The
little boy did not like the look of the barking
dog.
don't
bite?
too?
一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。
“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：„吠狗不咬人。‟”
“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？”
One day, the father lets
eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the
letter , the father
then remembered didn't
write the address and addressee's name on the
envelope.
After the son comes back, the
father asks him:
let me know that you do send the letter to
who!
有一天,父亲让八岁的儿子去寄一封信,儿子已经拿着信跑了,父亲才想起信封上没
写地址和收信人的名字。
儿子回来后,父亲问他:“你把信丢进邮筒了吗?”
“当然”“你没看见信封上没有写地址和收信人名字吗?”
“我当然看见信封上什么也没写”“那你为什么不拿回来呢？”
“我还以为你不写地址和收信人,是为了不想让我知道你把信寄给谁呢!”
Before
the final examination, Tom told his mother,
passed today's exam.
opposite.
在
期末考试之前，汤姆告诉他的母亲：“妈妈，我昨天晚上做了一个梦，梦见我通过了今天的考试。”
“不要相信梦，亲爱的。据说梦中的经历通常与现实相反。”妈妈答道。
“那么，我真希望在今晚的梦中，我的其他功课都不及格。”汤姆说。
A small
boy leading a donkey passed by an Army camp. A
couple of soldiers wanted to have
some fun
with the lad（少年，小伙子） . What are you holding onto
your brother so tight for,
sonny? asked one of
them.
So he won't join the army, the youngster
replied without blinking an eye.
一个小男孩牵着头驴子穿过部
队营房。两名士兵想跟小家伙开个玩笑：小孩，你把你哥哥牵得这么紧干什
么？
这样，他就不会去参军了。小家伙眼都不眨地回答道。
Teacher: If I had
seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the
other, what would I
have?
Student: Big
hands.
老师：如果我左手上有7个桔子，右手上有8个桔子。那么我有什么？
学生：大手。
When Jack bowed to someone, he
always did it at lightening speed. You shouldn't
wait any
longer after he has had his head nod.
So he was blamed for no manners. Then some
warmhearted men taught him, When you bow to
somebody next time, you can count
'January,
February, March. until December. Then you can lift
your body up. Thus, the
ceremony will
be perfect.
The next day, he met his uncle, he
did as the men told him. The bow was so long that
it made
his uncle feel surprised and escaped
away soon . When Jack looked up, he found his
uncle
gone . So he asked the passer, Which
month did he go away?
杰克给人鞠躬，飞快地一点头，就算完了。大家都怪他
不懂礼貌。于是便有好心的人教他说，下次鞠躬的
时候，你就在心里数：一月、二月、……一直数到十二
月为止，然后再直起身来。这样，礼节就周全了。
第二天，杰克见到他的叔叔，他便如法炮制。这躬鞠
得太久，叔叔吃了一惊，赶紧逃开了。杰克抬头一看，
其叔早已不知去向，他便问过路人：我叔叔几月走
的？
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled.
His father knew it, but his grandma doted
on（溺
爱，宠爱） him. He hardly left her side. And
when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw
a temper tantrum（乱发脾气） . Then came his first
day of school, his first day away from his
grandmother's loving arms.
When he came
home from school his grandma met him at the door.
she asked,
六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍
然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。
他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。
他第一天上学才离开
祖母的怀抱。约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：“学校怎么样？你过的好吗？哭
了没有？”
“哭？”约翰问，“不，我没哭，可老师哭了。”
A teacher was
trying to make use of her psychology courses. She
started her class by saying,
Little Johnny
then stood up.
The teacher said,
一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来？”她一开始就说。
小约翰尼站了起来。
“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼？”老师问。
“不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”
Comparison
Geoffrey says to his father (who is looking at
his son’s report card). So I don’t get the highest
marks in the class, do you get the highest
salary in the office?
比较
杰弗里对爸爸说（爸爸正在看儿子地成
绩单）：我在班里没有拿到最高的成绩，那你在单位里拿到最高的
薪水了吗？
A：What’s on your hand？
B：Watch.
A：How to spell that？
B：T-H-A-T~
Don't
be selfish
A mother is admonishing her son.
Now, John, don't be selfish. Let your little
brother share the bicycle with you.
But
Mother, I do. I ride it down the hill, and he
rides it up the hill.
别太自私
一位母亲在劝告她的儿子。
听着，约翰，别太自私，让你的弟弟和你共用一辆自行车。
妈妈，我是让他。我先骑下坡，他再骑上坡。
Great Event
Teacher: What great event happened in 1809?
Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln was born.
Teacher: Correct. And what great event
happened in 1812?
Little Willy: Abraham
Lincoln had his third birthday.
林肯过生日
老师：1809年发生了什么重大事件？
小威利：亚伯拉罕·林肯诞生。
老师：正确。那么1812年发生了什么重要事件呢？
小威利：亚伯拉罕·林肯过他的三周岁生日。
In class the teacher
showed pictures of various birds. Then he asked
one of the students,
Jack thought a
moment, then answered,
老师在课堂上向学生们展示了各种各样的鸟的照片。
然后他问其中一名学生，“杰克，你最喜欢哪种鸟儿
啊？”
杰克想了想，回答，“炸鸡，老师。”