英语短文笑话(带翻译)
绝世美人儿
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2021年01月17日 10:57
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放屁小子-日月潭教学反思
1
、
How much English can you speak?
it
is
for
my
client
to
be
accused
of
theft.
He
arrived
in
New
York
City
a
week
ago
and
barely
knew
his
way
around.
What's
more,
he
only
speaks
a
few
words
of
English.
The
judge
looked
at
the
defendant
and
asked,
much English can you speak?
The
defendant
looked
up
and
said,
me
your
wallet!
中文翻译
< br>
法官先生，
我的当事人被指控偷窃，
这是多么不公正
啊。他一周前才来 到纽约，几乎不认路。而且，他只
会说几个英语单词。
法官看了看被告，问道：
你会说多少英文？
被告抬起头，说：
把你的钱包给我！
< br>
2
A
husband,
proving
to
his
wife
that
women
talk
more
than men, showed her a study which indicated that men
use on average only 15000 words a day, whereas women
use
30000
words
a
day.
She
thought
about
this
for
a
while and then told her husband that women use twice as
many
words
as
men
because
they
have
to
repeat
everything they say.
He said,
丈夫给妻子看了一 项调查结果，为了向她证明女人比
男人啰嗦。研究表明男人平均每天使用
15000
个 字，
而女人每天使用
30000
个。
妻子想了一会儿说，
女人每天说的字数是男人的两倍，
因为她们必须重复已经说过的话。
他问：
什么？
3
Boy: Is this seat empty?
Girl: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
男孩：这个座位是空的么？
女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也将是空的。
4
、
what's
the
matter
with
your
brother?
asked
the
mother in the kitchen.
He is crying because I won't give him any.
him finish that.
汤姆，你弟弟怎么了？
妈妈在厨房里问。
他在哭。
没事儿，妈妈，
汤姆答道。
我在 吃我的蛋糕。他
哭是因为我不给他吃。
他已经吃完自己的了么？
是的。
我帮他吃完时，他也哭了。
2009-6-7
A guy says to his friend,
in my pocket.
The friends says,
of them?
The first guys says,
of them!
路人甲对路人乙说，
猜猜我兜里有几个子儿？
路人乙说：
我猜对了，你能给我一个不？
路人甲说：
你要猜对了，我两个全部给你！
2009-6-6
研究生和本科生的区别
class,
said
an
instructor
at
a
university
graduate
engineering
course.
I
say
'Good
afternoon,'
the
undergraduates
respond
'Good
afternoon.'
But
the
graduate students just write it down.
一个教师在研究生工程学课堂上说：
我一眼就能看出
来哪些是本科生，
哪些是研究生。
我说
'
下午好
'
的时
候，
本科生回答
'
下午好
'
，
而研究生则把这句话记在本
子上。
2009-6-5
Dad: Tom, please tell me, which month has 28 days?
Tom: Every month.
爸爸：告诉我汤姆，哪个月有
28
天呢？
汤姆：每个月都有啊！
2009-6-4making faces
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the
playground,
Ms
Smith
stopped
to
gently
reprimand
the
child.
Smiling
sweetly,
the
Sunday
school
teacher
said,
when
I
was
a
child
I
was
told
if
I
made
ugly
faces,
my
face
would
freeze
and
stay
like
that
Bobby
looked
up
and
replied,
Ms
Smith,
you
can't
say
you weren't warned.
史密斯小姐发现她的一名学生在操场上向别人做鬼
脸，便去轻责他。
这位主日学校的老师甜甜地微笑着，说：
博比，我小
的时候，
有人告 诉我如果我做鬼脸，
我的脸就会僵硬，
永远都那么丑。
博比抬头看了看老师， 说：
史密斯小姐，你可别说没
人警告过你啊。
2009-6-3
A guy goes to visit his grandma and he brings his friend
with him.
While he's talking to his grandma, his friend starts eating
the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off.
As
they're
leaving,
his
friend
says
to
his
grandma,
She says,
the chocolate off.
一名男子带着朋友去探望他的祖母。
当他和祖母聊天时，他的朋友开始吃咖啡桌上放的花
生，并把花生都给吃光了。
他们离开时，他的朋友对祖母说
:
谢谢您的花生。
结果祖母说
:
唉！自从我牙齿掉光后，我就只能吮掉
花生豆外层的巧克力了。
2009-6-2
A father was trying to teach his son the evils of alcohol.
He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in
a
glass
of
whiskey. The
worm
in
the
water
lived,
while
the one in the whiskey curled up and died.
you?
not have worms.
一位父亲打算让自己的儿子知道酒精有多么可怕。
他把分别把两只虫子 放到一杯清水和一杯威士忌里做
对比。清水里虫子安然无恙，结果威士忌里的虫子蜷
缩了几下就 挂掉了。
所以，儿子啊，
父亲问道，
得出什么结 论？
恩，这说明，你只要喝酒的话，肚里就不会长虫了！
2009-6-1
Looking
very
unhappy,
a
poor
man
entered
a
doctor's
consulting-room.
he
said,
must
help
me.
I
swallowed
a
penny about a month ago.
heavens,
man!
said
the
doctor.
have
you
waited
so
long?
Why
don't you
come to
me
on
the
day
you swallowed it?
didn't need the money so badly then.
中文翻译：
一个看起来很难受的穷人走进大夫的诊室。
大夫！
他说，
帮帮我！一个月前我吞了一分硬币！
天哪，< br>
大夫说，
早干嘛去了？你当时怎么不来看？
实话告诉您吧，大夫，
穷人说，
我当时还不缺钱！
2009-5-31
Boy: Hi, didn't we go on dates before? Onec or twice?
Girl: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake
twice.
男孩：
嗨，
我们之前是不是约会过，
是一 次还是两次，
我忘记了。
女孩：应该只有一次吧，我从不犯两次同样的错误。
2009-5-30
In an entrance examination of a conservatory of music, a
teacher
asked
one
of
the
boys,
is
the
most
important physiological quality of a musician?
sir!
Don't
you
know
that
the
famous
musician
Beethoven
was
deaf?
the
boy
asked
in
reply
disdainfully.
在一次音乐学院的入学考试中，
老师问其中一个男孩：
音乐家最重要的生理素质是什么？
耳聋，
男孩答道。
胡说！
老师气愤地说。
怎么了，
先生！
难道您不知道大名鼎鼎的音乐家贝多
芬是个聋子吗？
男孩轻蔑地反问道。
2009-5-28