英语短笑话
余年寄山水
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2021年01月17日 10:59
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经典情语-一切
I've Just Bitten My Tongue
我刚咬破自己的舌头
“
我们有毒吗？
”
一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。
“
是的，亲爱的，
”
她回答说，
“
你问这个干什么？
”
“
因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。
”
Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built
its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
.
鸟窝与头发
我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外
的树上垒了个窝。
“
是什么鸟呢？
”
我姐姐问她。
“
我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。
”
那孩子回答说。
“
那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？
”
我姐姐鼓励她道。
“
哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。
”
Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
给我那个打赢的吧
--
服务员，
这个龙虾只有一只爪。
--
对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。
--
哦，
那给我那个打赢的吧。
Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was
five. One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big
city to buy some new clothes.
The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the
kitchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him,
Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a
gentleman.
sister and said to her,
迪克年龄七岁，
他的妹妹凯瑟琳五岁。一天，
妈妈把他们带到姨妈家去玩，
自己就到大城市
去买些新的衣服。
孩子们玩了个把小时，
在四点半的时候，
姨妈领着迪克走进了厨房。
她交给迪克一块精美的
蛋糕和一把刀子，并对他说：
“
喏，迪克，给你刀子，把这块 蛋糕一切为二，给你妹妹一块。
不过，你得记住要做得像一个绅士那样。
”
迪克问：
“
像一个绅士？绅士怎样做呢？
”
他姨妈马上回答说：
“
绅士总是把大的一块让给别人的。
”
迪克说了一声
“
噢
”
。他对此想了一会，然后 ，他把蛋糕拿给妹妹，并对她说：
“
凯瑟琳，你
来把这块蛋糕一切为二吧。
”
I'm Trying to Stop It
“
I'm sorry
，
Madam
，
but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's
tooth .
”
“
Twenty d ollars! Why
，
I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such
work!
”
“
Yes
，
but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the
office .
”
“
对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取
20
美元。
”
“
20
美元！为什么？不是说好只要
4
美元。
”
“
是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。
”
other , so I am trying to stop it.
“
孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？
”
“
没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。
”
The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again,
and said he:
are they?
hey Are Directly from America
Not long after an old Chinese women came back to china from her visit to her daughter in
the Sates, she went to a city bank to deposit the U.S. dollars her daughter give her . At the
bank counter ,the money was mady out of last she couid not hold any
more, uttering
:
“
trust me, Sir, and
trustthe money .They are real U.S. dollars.
directly from America.
”
汉译：
真美钞
一位中国老妇人到美国去看望女儿回来不久，
到一家银行 取存女儿送给她的美元。
在银行柜
台，银行职员认真仔细的检查了每一张钞票看，是否有假。这 种做法使老妇人很不耐烦，最
后实在忍不住说：
“
相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票 。这都是真正的美元，是从美国直
接带来的。
”
He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，
“
发生了什么事？
”
“
一个男孩咬了我一口，
”
伊凡说。
“
再见到他你能认出来吗？
”
妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，
”
伊凡说。
“
他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.
yesterday?
so interested in the old woman?
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“
昨天给你的钱干什么了？
”
“
我给了一个可怜的老太婆，
”
他回答说。
“
你 真是个好孩子，
”
妈妈骄傲地说。
“
再给你两分
钱。可你为什么对那 位老太太那么感兴趣呢？
”
“
她是个卖糖果的。
”
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in
all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked,