山西省永济市涑北中学高三英语复习 英文小幽默2
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山西省永济市涑北中学高三英语复习：英文小幽默
2
A lady was walking down the street to work. She saw a parrot on a perch[
栖木
] in front
of a pet
（宠物）
store.
The parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”
Well, the lady was furious[
暴怒的
]! She stormed past the store to her work.
On
the
way
home
she
saw
the
same
parrot
and
it
said
to
her,
“Hey
lady,
you
are
really
ugly.” She was incredibly ticked[愤怒
] now.
The next day the same parrot again said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”
The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue[
起诉
]
the store and kill the bird. The store manager apologized
（道歉）
profusely[
十分慷慨地
]
and promised
（保证）
he would make sure the parrot wouldn't say it again.
When the lady
walked
past the store that
day after work, the p
arrot called to her, “Hey
lady.”
She paused and said, ”Yes?”
The bird said, “You know.”
Daddy, How Much Do You Make an Hour?
With a timid[
羞怯的
] voice
（声音，语气）
and idolizing[
崇拜偶像
] eyes
，
the little boy
greeted
（问）his
father
as
he
returned
from
work,
“Daddy,
how
much
do
you
make
an
hour?”
Greatly surprised, but giving his boy a glaring[
耀眼的] look, the father said, “Look,
son, not even your mother knows that. Don't bother
（打扰）
me now, I'm tired
（累，疲
劳的）.”
“But Daddy, just tell me please! How much do you make an hour?” the boy insisted.
The
father
finally
（最后）
gave
up
（
give
up
放弃）and
replied,
“Twenty
dollars
per
hour.”
“Okay, Daddy. Could you loan（贷款）
me ten dollars?” the boy asked.
Showing restlessness
（不安）
and positively disturbed
（被激怒）
, the father yelled
（大
喊）—“So that
was the reason you asked how much I earn
（挣）
, right? Go to sleep and
don't bother me anymore!”
It was already dark and the father felt guilty
（愧疚）
as he meditated
（思考，冥想）
on what he had said. Maybe, he thought, his son wanted to buy something. So the father
went to his son's room.
“Are you asleep, son?” asked the father.
“No, Daddy. Why?” replied the boy,
partially asleep
（睡眼惺忪）
.
“Here's the money you asked for earlier（早些时候，刚才）,” the father said.
“Thank
Daddy!” rejoiced（喜乐）
the son, putting his hand under his pillow
（枕头）
and pulling out some money. “Now I have twenty dollars!” the boy said to his father,
who
was
gazing
（凝视）
at
his
son,
confused
at
（对。疑惑）what
his
son
just
said.
“Daddy,
coul
d you sell me one hour of your time?”
snake
（有毒的）
?
The cat and mouse
Mrs
Brown
went
to
visit
one
of
her
friend
and
carried
a
small
box
with
holes
（洞）
punched
（针扎）
in the top
（顶部）
.
answered Mrs Brown.
dreaming
about
（做梦梦到）
mice
at night
and I'm so scared
（害怕）
! This cat is to catch them.
（假想）
,
evolution
The
lecturer
（讲师）
on
evolution
（进化论）
had
been
going
on
for
nearly
（接近）
two
hours.
then he started again, and said he:
question ---
if
we
had
tails like a baboon
（狒狒）
, where are they?
（风险，冒险）
an answer,
（磨
掉）
sitting here so long.
Improvement
（进步）
One student to another:
（进展如何）
?
I
used
to
（曾经）
be
one
who
couldn't
understand
the
English
men,
and
now
it's
the
English men who can't understand me.
The Reason
（理由）
of Being Late
Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning?
Johnny: Every time I come to
the corner
（拐角）
, a guidepost
（路牌）
says, 'School -- Go
Slow'.
When Do People Talk Least?
Student A: When do people talk least
（最少）
?
Student B: In February.
Student A: Why?
Student B: Because February is the shortest month of a year.
The plural Form
（复数形式）
of
Teacher: What is the plural of man, Tom?
Tom: Men.
Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?
Tom: Twins.
The insane asylum
Late
one
night
at
the
insane
asylum
(
疯人院）
one
inmate
（
病人）
shouted
（
喊）
,
am
Napoleon!
Another one said,
The first inmate said,
Just then, a voice from another room shouted,